itsallhotair

This is a home-coming of sorts.

Yesterday I arrived.
Waiting at the airport -

got through too fast...was there something we forgot to do?

Wandering through customs looking dazed and all of a sudden we were under a sign that said 'Arrivals'. And we were free.
Tris - getting drinks.
Me – waiting with the bags. Looking for Mum and Dad.
Slow stream of people milling around and moving through the terminal.

They wont be carrying bags, or dragging heavy suitcases.
Ignore those figures which are.
Dad will be taller, with broad shoulders - somewhat coat created shoulders. Never takes off his coat unless completely necessary. Temperature in the airport: not hot – coat will be on.
Mum will have short brown, no silver, hair, cut like some of the more stylish Parisian women and she will be wearing the coat from New Zeland

No – not them- both wearing coats but they have bags.

Not those two either – they have a toddler.

Not them. Though the height difference is about right.

Wait.

His shoulders wide but thinner than before.
She has cropped hair, but its shorter, more stylish than remembered from the photos. The coat is right. No one else would have that coat.

That’s them. It is. It’s them.

They are quite far - walking towards me.

I’ll meet them half way, yes,

walking now.

YES! It is definitely them.

They haven’t seen me yet, almost. There! Mum rushes forward and Dad stands back, but smiles and clasps his gloved hands and waits.

22 days until Paris

Rappaccini! Rappaccini! And this is the upshot of your experiment?

we sat in the hallway

Not so long ago i went to a party with some friends.
They were new friends.
Now they are just friends.
Hopefully one day they will be old friends.

The party was the house warming of another friend i've know forever.
There were lots of people there that i'd ever met before and some whom i'd know and known and known.
It was a nice party but i didn't stay long.

we called a cab that didn't come.
so we called another and waited in the hallway, on the ground. i went outside to see if the cab was there - it was getting late and we didn't want to have to call another one.
i looked back into the hallway and saw that my new friends were speaking to my old friends. i didn't go back in. i stayed outside and waited.

this is a fragment

partly to hide his poetry from his father.

go-loudly

this is what jess told me.

i had to catch a plane the other day.
i was coming home.
my friend jess was on the same flight but we were late checking in and we had to sit apart. we were three rows away from each other, it doesn't sound like much but on the plane going through strong winds, at night, over the ocean, it really was.
i could just see the top of her head.

when we got to sydney it was dark and people pushed to get in front a the baggage-claim-sushi-train. jess told me she had been sitting next to an older couple. she called them old but when i saw them i told her they were just older. she said they were talking about their other partners and she thought they were having an affair. he was tall and bald. she was short and plump. apparently they were really happy, and in love. jess said they kept kissing. really loudly. and that they were all hands.

i think they saw me looking at them.
i was looking at their hands.

they left separately.

these are memories and other.

Symphony in Blues

pointless - les point

i had a dream that my brother was an outlaw and that he was on the run.

He'd just returned home after a while away and didn't know that he was in trouble or that there was a bounty on his head.
I didn't know how much that bounty was but the number was so big that no one would mention it out loud.

Mum and dad were really poor. They had gone to try and nick stuff for the house. My mum looked at her prospective belongings with the discerning eye of a someone with a lot more choice.

the majority of the dream was spent working out codes to use in letters to my brother. and where to hide the codes in my house, which was my old house, the house thats sold.

dad kept saying 'i can't believe this all started over some car chase'

then i woke up and it was all a dream

...

this blog has received two refferal visits (meaning two people have ended up on this blog by clicking on something) from this site


this worries me.

happy?

my camera broke.
and i had to give the good one back to work.
but my lovely mother gave me an old one of hers.
the screen is cracked and only glows white so you can't see the photos you've taken till they're on your computer. and when you turn the thing on you have to flick menu button and then bang it on the side before lens opens up. i love it.

so
this is what has been my lately, lately.








Happy?

things that my mum kept

i watched my mum go through old paintings and drawing and merit cards the other day. She had a bag full of pictures and work my brother and i had done as kids. it was a stange thing. i went through some of the painitings and could rememer doing them, and they didn't look any different to me than when i had done them. i still saw what i had as a kid. but i could also see that mostly they were just scribble, and smudges of paint.

mum looked mostly at the things my brother had done.

he was always a good drawer, you could tell from his work as a little kid he was good at art

she had kept all the certificates we had received . Merit certificates
for being quiet and well behaved
for having interesting experiences
for sitting still
for being kind to small creatures
for remembering lots of words in italian
for playing well with others.

Mum showed me a book that my brother had written in kindy. it was only 4 pages long. instead of words he had written the first letter of each word he'd wanted to write and the teacher had written the words out underneath.

the illustrations were so good for such a little kid

the last page was covered with stickers which were placed with care around the illistrations. underneath the teacher had written

i can't beleive it, fantastic, even better than before!!!

more sky than sense

Fake Vacation

more meals.

BREAKFAST


DINNER

here he is

things i bought with money to survive

garage sale

today i went to a garage sale that was across the road from my apartment.
the house had a sign - 'sat sun garage sale here' - without any punctuation.
i walked into someone's front yard, and picked things up and asked them how much they were worth to them. And they told me, and some things i decided weren't worth that to me, and so i put them back.
Other things were worth what they said. One was a giant orange and black jumper. i asked the lady how much and she told me and then said 'its a classic, my husband used to wear that' and i bought it and went home, across the street, and tried it on, and wanted to wear it out but didn't because i couldn't help feeling her husband was dead, or had left her for someone else and me wearing her worthless or priceless husband's, worthless or priceless orange and black hoodie, up and down the street was kind of indiscreet.

so i didn't wear it - i wore something else.
they will have more stuff out tommorrow maybe. i might go back.

things that are next to my bed

obviously i am super hip and cool.
that is knitting in the bag, if you cant tell.

this I made and ate for breakfast

i made all this in just 7 minutes - it was my pre-exam meal.
it doesn't look as good as it was. which was very.

this is how holly and ruby show me that they haven't forgotten me.

they send me all types of things.
some aren't on the wall, or this wall at least.


they are nice to me those two.

here's this

Jabber IM with RUBY CELESTE RUFF-LANDER <**********@gmail.com>22/06/09 11:17 PM

hey lovley!
hi sweety!
whats doing on the lower east side?
got up early for once and i'm finally going to a kind of supermarket - they don't really have them here- for the first time so i can stop starving!
they don;t have supermarkets?
not really, just many many corner store delis where you have to ask for the butter and stuff - random
thats still cool
what they do do good is cheap hot and tasty snaks that aren't half bad - much better than in aust where everything is no less than 8 bucks
hey sorry i couldn't talk on sunday was making mum and dad cupcakes
did they like them?
yes loved em ...its just hit me that they will be gone too in a couple of months
IN a couple?when do they leave?
august 19
yeah, but just think - then it's only a few months till we are all reunited!!!
yeah - but its just such shit timing. everyone is gone at one - it is ridiculous
i'm thinking that my $$$ will be totally drained by jan, and i might spend 3 weeksaround bankok
really not going comming to have new years in gay paris?
ofcourse!! no i mean after you depart! yeah, it was just a thought - that or i come home for summer - which could also be great!
you could come home ith meeee! i could bring you hoooome!
when do yuo leave for aust again?
before the 29th of jan
why?
wedding
rrrright
rrrrrright yourself - you making fun?
maybe but yeah - looks like you will be bringing me home .
but i don't want to bring you home and you to be all ''waaaah australia sucks, i wish i was overseas again, i don;t want to go back' becuase then i leabe you in bangers!
do you want to come to bangers? before the wedding?you might get bored of gay pari!?
perhaps but proooooblyz not!

it's so weird being here - and having to have purpose every day.
yeah having a purpose is boring when you have to have one then cruitial when your just existing
please graffiti that ll over the city

this is my life right now

and that's my lunch on the heater.

these are pictures of things

things that happened on my way home.

i walked home tonight.
i arrived home at 1.00am
the time is now 1.09am.
here is what happened on my walk.


i exited the apartment building through the front door.
i walked one way, thinking that it would take me home and then stopped.
i looked the other way and decided the other way was the way which would lead to my home.
i walked until i heard the beach then turned left.
i walked up a bit, till i came to a corner i didn't recognise, then turned right, just to turn left again.
as i walked down Wiora st i saw a figure walking towards me on my side of the street.
the figure moved slowly and i could tell it was a boy with deadlocks because of the way the light lit him from behind.
i saw he was staggering and moving more side to side than he was forwards.

as i approached him i saw he was about the same height as me.
he staggered side to side, forward. Side to side, forward.
as i passed him, feeling superior in my strictly forward motion, i whispered ' everything will be okay'.
he stopped.
i kept walking, passed another pedestrian, then looked back.
he was still stopped.
i kept walking and two police cars wizzed past, down Wiora, right onto Blair.
i looked back and the boy with the dreadlocks was still standing there.

for a second i throught about going back to make sure he was okay - but before i knew it i was home.

i'm sure he started moving again, and went back to where he lived, and sat down and thought about what just happened.
i'm sure that when he did, he would have realized that everything really would be okay.

or maybe he's still standing there.
who knows.

Things i thought i have already written

Does You Inspire You - Chairlift.
track 2 - planet health.

listen to it.

have i already written this?
this feels like deja-vu.